Tuesday, November 17, 2015

our suffering for God's glory


I am so thankful and beyond blessed by the amazing friends God has purposely placed in my life who love HIM whole-heartedly and speak so much of HIS TRUTH into my life! Yesterday morning, God used two of my friends, within FIVE minutes of eachother, to remind me of his precious promise in Ephesians 3:20-21...the first friend was via text message bright and early in the morning and the second was a friend via my facebook feed. I KNEW God had a purpose in feeding me that verse twice, although I wasn't quite sure what it was YET.

God knew that the enemy had been chiseling away at my mind over-time the day before...telling me what a horrible, impatient mom I was. And really attacking me with lies that I will ever get things right as mother to my children. I felt like the failure of all failures. The worst. A disappointment to my kids. That I would ruin them.

AND THEN MONDAY HAPPENED...I don't usually mind mondays. I love all days. But THIS monday morning brought so much torment to my spirit as it crashed down on me with a flood of impatience and annoyances before we even left the house for school. I just wanted to cry. But i refrained. As we drove to school, Andi Rae prayed for our day. And that sweet girl prayed for her momma to have a better day too with the perfect words given to her by the Holy Spirit. That little prayer warrior ministers to my heart all the time!

When I got to school, my friend, THEEEEE BBE was waiting for me in my office (that stands for best boss ever ;). LOVE HER SO MUCH! Annnd...after a cheery greeting from her I crashed with all my emotions flooding out my eyeballs and talk about about how I was feeling. She closed the door, listened to my heartache, hugged me, looked me in the eye, called out the devil's LIES, and SPOKE GOD'S TRUTH into my life over and over...combatting every excuse or reason I brought up that may justify any LIES I was believing with consistent and constant TRUTH and great God-honoring advice. (seriously, how did i get so blessed to have a boss/friend like this!?) She reminded me that I am human and will make mistakes...BUT GOD. ONLY GOD can heal me and change me. She reminded me how important it was to continue to apologize to my kids when I wrong them and to LOVE on them especially after a struggle. This among many other things. This convo brought SO MUCH healing.

By now my eyes were firey red from my tears and it was crazy obvious that something was bothering me...bringing amazing love and concern from my other teacher friends who saw me. Some prayed over me - praying exactly what the Holy Spirit led them to pray, leading to even more healing in my spirit...followed by more speaking TRUTH into my life. Another friend reminded me that my kids are not my own. They are on loan from God...they are GOD'S KIDS! And to keep that in mind when I get irritated and impatient with them. It serves as a reminder to give them grace...love them well.

I must continuously give myself grace too...because God has given me amazing grace. I am a mom desperately seeking and running after the heart of God for my life and my familiy...and I am doing the best I can. There will be hard days. BUT GOD. BUT GRACE.

God used my vulnerability and honesty, my amazing friends carrying my burdens, and my longing to be free from the enemy's lies to heal me yesterday morning BEYOND what I could ask, think, or imagine. The rest of my day did not go as I expected when my morning started out so crappy...i had a fear the rest of the day would follow the same pattern. BUT GOD.  God used his spirit and his people to turn my day around BEYOND what I could imagine. He did what only GOD can do. All my classes went exceptionally well, and the love and renewed patience I felt for my kids refreshed and inspired me that GOD gave me Eph 3:20-21 that morning to show me how big and amazing he can be in my life. And just how much he loves me...and my children <3.

And remember...the purpose in the struggle...is ULTIMATELY - GOD's GLORY <3.
(this was our cool-down yesterday for several of my classes :). God is good :D.

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